I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
