hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
