so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
