I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
