I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
