Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
