my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
