Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
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I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
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My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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