Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
