break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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