Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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