Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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