so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
