You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
