i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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