Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Still dying that you shit outside
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
