Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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