In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
