Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
