Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
