Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
