Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
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I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
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Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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