i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
