I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
