i think my mom watched the whole time
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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