i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
im about as happy as oj after his trial
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
