I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
