hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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