I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
