How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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