I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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