You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
