so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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