Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Randomize
