I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
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