He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
