I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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