I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
