wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
