Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
