exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
