My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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