I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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