so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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