They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
