Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
