best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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