she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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