I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How external is "for external use only"?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Randomize
