just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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