Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I supernannyed him into submission
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
