i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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