i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
