I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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