Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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