i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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