I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
