he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
