i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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