the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
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I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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