Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
