i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
