Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
