I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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