The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i don't like sucking hair
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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