Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
