I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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