She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
