New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize