and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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