you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
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You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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