Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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