You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
