I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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